365 days ago, I was on the street half drunk whilst counting down for 2014; 365 days later, I am sitting on my bed, writing this blog post with 3 adorable dogs lying next to me. (If you'd ask me, probably the best way to start the year) Crazy huh? How things could change so much in a year.
Change is a scary thing. It's always scary to step out of your comfort zone and do something different. But that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. I started off the year as a person that based her happiness entirely on others, a person that didn't really know the true meaning of happiness. I had 2 terrible heartbreaks in 2014 and I can ensure you, they were the most horrible thing I have encountered ever in my entire life. Five months ago, I lost someone that I really loved. It was hard, really hard. I couldn't eat, couldn't work, couldn't do anything at all. He made everything so easy and that hurt me even more. I tried everything to take the pain away. I drank and partied almost every day but it was useless. Yes, these things might be able to numb your pain for a while, but that's it. A while. What about the minute you wake up? What about the day after tomorrow? That pain you're feeling right now will always be here waiting for you. In the past few months, I figured the only way to truly get over someone and be happy again is to understand your feelings; understand the core of the pain. Don't be afraid to admit you're hurt. Don't be embarrassed to ask for help. Try to comprehend the reasons behind your feelings. Be brave and face whatever's hurting you. It's okay to curl up into a ball and cry. Nobody says it's going to be easy. Take as long time as you need but always, always remember that things will eventually be okay.
"Until you heal the wounds of your past, you are going to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex; But eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, Stick your hand inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories and make peace with them." - Iyanla Vanzan
As much as I would like to rant about the heartbreak, I wish to end this insane year with a smile, so here is the happy side of my 2014.
- Finished my amazing freshman year in Hawaii
- Interned at a vet clinic for 2 months
- Helped the veterinary desexed 2 of my dogs
- Started the first half of my sophomore year in the University of Rhode Island
- Saw snow for the first time
- Met a ton of new friends in Rhode Island
- Been to a total of 6 states (California, Utah, New York, Rhode Island, Hawaii, Massachusetts)
- Went to Japan and Bali
- Started this blog
- And finally, survived 2014
Choosing Happiness
Choosing happiness is not as simple as choosing what flavour ice cream to buy. It is not just like "okay, this is the one I'll pick." It is not only about having a change in your perspective but also making a plan and setting your goals; knowing what are you need, what are the things that will help you or cure your unhappiness - and telling yourself what you should do yo get what you want. And, of course, for you plans not to be wasted, you have to pout them into actions; if you have told yourself tomorrow you'll talk to your old friends or write them letters or you'll go to your favourite coffee shop or fast food chain or somewhere else with someone, do it, with all your heart and your mind believing that you'll really be happy.
Happiness, you don't just choose it, if you don't work for it, you won't get it.
- Jerico Silvers
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